Madge about the girl

What have the following quotes got in common?

"An excruciating bore"

"What an extraordinarily silly, preening, fatally mishandled film this is"

They are just two among a generally hostile critical reaction to the pair of films that have been, to date, directed by that fiftysomething mistress of reinvention, Madonna.

The first refers to her 2008 debut, Filth & Wisdom. The second is an even more painful summation of her most recent effort, W.E., which has just lit up - not in a good way, it seems - the Venice Film Festival.

Her latest 'turkey', as most describe it, portrays the parallel stories of Thirties' divorceé Wallis Simpson (Andrea Riseborough), who snared King Edward VIII costing him his throne, and a Nineties New York trophy wife called Wally (Abbie Cornish).

Mind you, Madge is no stranger to stinking film reviews. Her acting career has been littered with abuse from the 80s' days of Shanghai Surprise, co-starring then husband Sean Penn, to the new millennium horror that was Swept Away, directed by another partner, Guy Ritchie.

Go, (Material) girl!